Drowning In Choice

This isn’t a new topic by any means, but the reality is that today I was struck by another wave of lethargy and ended up feeling lost, adrift in a sea of choice. As is frequently the case, all my enthusiasm for play evaporated and I found myself casting around, looking for inspiration. In other words, I ran out of mental energy again.

In practical terms, this is the temporary effect of having a fairly heavy common cold which has rendered me sleepless for four nights. Last night was the worst, getting only 3 hours sleep and leaving me significantly drained. Adding to an already busy time with work, this sleep deprivation was naturally going to have an impact. Logically, I know this.

But when the colour drains from life and you don’t have the energy to do much beyond sit in a chair and breathe, even the idea of being creative eludes you. For me, it becomes a sort of desperate torture as I want to enjoy some play but cannot find the required focus or motivation. Everything feels too difficult. The only thing to do is to make things smaller, tiny even.

I find myself wandering through the possibilities. Browsing games on the stacks, perusing games on the internet, pingling around social media and seeing what other folks are doing and saying. But none of this is productive. The more choices I peruse the greater the sense of confusion. I begin to fear that I’ll never be able to play again. Which is, of course, irrational.

Winter has arrived. I am exhausted and overrun by the loss of joy and energy. Drowning in choice, I make no decisions. But perhaps tomorrow I will be able to make a change. I hope so.

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