Why do people feel an incessant need to criticize and tear down the work of others? For sure, some things are objectively crap – the machine that simply doesn’t work. When it comes to works of creativity and imagination, however, we enter into the realm of the personal and subjective.

As Monte Cook has observed, the heart of the problem lies in mistaking subjective opinions for objective truths. What I think and feel about something is not the same as the quality of said something. It’s also got a lot to do with the necessity some folk have to feel both clever and right, something known as self-righteousness.

A useful principle: “If you can’t improve on silence, say nothing.” (It’s from Buddha Gautama)

Another: “Do to others as you would have them do to you.” (That one’s Jesus of Nazareth)

How would it feel to offer to prepare and run a roleplaying game only to have the players complain, nitpick, and generally point out the flaws in what you prepared? How would it feel to create a character as a player and have other players point out the flaws in your design, either from a conceptual standpoint or a rules-based one?

It gets much worse if you are a game designer. As a pretty low-key podcaster, experience tells me that there are plenty of folk who like to criticise. Share your struggles and what you’ll get is the twin attacks about how you are a narcissist for daring to share your inner life, and weak for having emotions and negative thoughts.

We are human beings. For starters, we are flawed beings. When you’ve created something perfect, then you get to throw stones at other people’s creations. Before then, find a way to offer constructive criticism or (radical suggestion) simply remain silent. Why are you nitpicking at someone else’s creation while there’s a whopping problem in your own?

As humans, we are unique beings who see things differently. How something appears to me, and how it causes me to feel, is personal to me. Recognising that something doesn’t work for you is fine. Judging it as objectively crap is much more dangerous: perhaps it just wasn’t made for you.

Of course, most commonly the people doing the complaining aren’t doing any creative work. A friend of mine from back in the days of the Gaming Club Network with Games Workshop remarked that it’s much easier to tear down than it is to create. He would invite those who throw stones to instead consider giving creative effort a go themselves.

I’ve heard it remarked several times that if it’s easy then you probably aren’t doing something worthwhile. Typing some quick comment into a chat box and hitting send is easy. Creating something valuable and worthwhile is hard work. Even being brave enough to share some more careful thoughts with others requires effort.

You know what… making up a fantastic world in which to offer an enjoyable game for your friends is hard work. To get a game off the ground, many of us will simply throw some basic ingredients in the pot and cook up a simple scenario. We’ll sketch some quick maps and get things to the table. Experience shows, however, that someone will criticise the effort.

Criticising the effort of your friend who has put themselves out to create a game for you is not something I would recommend. For starters, did you offer to run a game? If so, is what you would offer objectively better? Or is it that you just don’t much like what they have offered? Can you improve on silence? What would you appreciate as feedback?

Often it’s not so much that people mean to be cruel or critical but rather that the world of short, pithy, quickly typed reactions is so tempting. We like to feel clever and we like to be right. We forget that only 7% of human communication exists in the specific words that we choose. Even this post lacks the tone and the body language I would use in person.

When it comes to playing games, what is the value in tearing other people down? We are apparently short on GMs in the wider hobby. It’s a small enough niche as it is, so why drive people away with your demand for exacting standards or perfection that meet your specific tastes? Do you have room in your life for people who aren’t mirrors of yourself?

At the base line, it seems to me that the urge to tear down and destroy is an urge to give in to the most base passions of humanity. Living in a world where supporting each other feels like a foreign language, it’s much easier to yell and complain. But what if you just turn away from the things you don’t like and go encourage the creatives who make stuff you enjoy?

What kind thoughts and supportive comments have you shared today? What have you done today that was genuinely helpful to another human being? Are you yelling into the Void or are you serving in your community? Have you considered putting down your device and going to see what people are doing in the real-world outside your door?

I’m feeling done with sharing and creating. I have run out of the will and energy to offer to run people games. I don’t have any more energy to explore this wonderful hobby and share my thoughts. “Good,” someone will say. “Good riddance.” But that’s one less GM and more than one fewer groups of players left adrift.

What I feel and what I think are not the same thing. I am feeling done. But I choose to offer a game. I choose to think about my hobby constructively. I choose to support others to discover their own creativity and enjoyment from these games. Together, we can create a community of discovery in which people might, just maybe, feel accepted.

Game on!