Originally called the Dungeon Master’s Diary, the GM’s Journal was the suggestion of Frank Turfler from The Middle Kingdoms Adventure Trading Company. The idea was to record unscripted open mic segments and string them together into a rough and ready bonus episode.

The DM’s Diary was originally available as a bonus episode but when I responded to calls for ways to support me, I created the Patreon account and used the GM’s Journal as a bonus from behind the GM’s screen. The episodes had become so personal and emotive, I wanted to keep them out of earshot for passing students and colleagues who found out I was podcasting.

We just published GM’s Journal episode #221. It has been ongoing weekly for more than 4 years and is a marmite-type experience: listeners either love it or hate it. No middle ground. Those who love it say they appreciate the openness, the honesty, and the sharing of my trials. Critics say it is too angst-ridden and repetitive.

GM’s Journal is raw, personal, rambling, roughly recorded on my iPhone, often recorded outside, filled with comments about the weather, and generally is a reflection of my inner life. It’s largely unedited – I just open up my sound editor, drop in the clips, surround it with TJ Drennon’s excellent theme music, and link things with basic sound effects. It’s a mess!

But GM’s Journal is real hobby told as it is. Being a human, I am messy and contradictory. I go in loops and cycles. You hear my ups and downs. You get my raw reaction to games with the students at school or the friends I roleplay with. You hear my doubts and fears. It’s a confessional, really.

Yesterday, as an offer to those who aren’t comfy using Patreon, I decided to make the GM’s Journal also available to members of my Ko-Fi homepage. It’s £1 per month, or about 25p per episode, to hear the messiness and support Roleplay Rescue. The funds help me pay running costs, especially for the School Club.

I keep recording because, as it turns out, the GM’s Journal is a form of therapy for me and some people – maybe 30 or 40 listeners – tune in every week. Whenever I suggest I might stop, people encourage me to keep going. Listening to my weekly roller-coaster helps me to see patterns in my thinking.

You don’t have to share it with anyone else but I would strongly recommend the benefits of recording your thoughts and listening back to them once a week. I do it in the car the day after I release an episode. I don’t listen to it while I “edit” it together – that would stop me releasing it. I listen the next day.

I don’t think there’s anything else like it out there in the hobby sphere. Not like the GM’s Journal. Not this horrifyingly raw and rough, skin-crawlingly open and personal. But those who listen share the real inside track on me as a gamer. They get to understand why I do what I do. For better or worse.

Game on!