Che Webster

Holiday Doldrums

At the risk of sounding Scrooge-like, I am almost always disappointed by the holiday seasons. Although we teachers get loads of time away from the classroom, this largely coincides with the times when families gather and players become unavailable.

It’s hard enough most of the year to persuade adult gamers to give up some of their free time to come play games. When it’s Easter, Summer, or Christmas the whole thing becomes nigh-impossible. The collective sense of holidays as being times when families gather is overwhelming.

My experience is that while folk will cheerfully tell you they’d love to play, come the season when I have the most free time this turns out to be impossible. Family comes first and that couple of hours to game evaporates into oblivion. This is, of course, fair enough: adults are free to make choices about their discretionary time.

These doldrums are, however, depressing for some of us – especially those without children and whose partners are not gamers. While I can tell myself to play something solo, the desire to play with others often draws me down into unhelpful patterns of thought. There is a sense of being unwanted.

On a bad day, I sleep on the sofa. On a very bad day, I stay in bed. On the better days, I try to read something hobby related or even play an Xbox game. If I can find something to inspire me, I will be able to solo play or even prep for a hoped-for game. But honestly, most doldrum days are bad days.

What’s the solution? Acceptance. You can’t make people show up and play for fun… that rather defeats the goal of having a good time. Guilt is not a good motivator either, so there’s not much point talking (or blogging – ironic, eh?) about it. The best solution is simple acceptance of the facts.

I’m not going to get to play over the Christmas break. Accepting this is a first step towards recognising that you need to find alternatives. Falling into emotional thinking (the belief that because you feel bad then things are in reality bad) is at best unhelpful and can be dangerous. No, I am not worthless simply because I feel worthless.

Consider what you can do alone. GMs can prep ongoing games, perhaps even if it’s only making a list of ideas for adventure locations for future design. You could practice aspects of play, such as making up characters (they can be NPCs in future games) or running yourself through a combat scene (which keeps those rules fresh in mind).

In the doldrums, full-blown solo play may not seem possible. You may feel a lack of energy and direction, which leaves you floundering around essentially doing nothing. Accepting this state of low mood is healthy because it’s okay not to feel okay. Look for small actions that you can take and forgive yourself for the limits you currently experience.

But let’s not pretend: while some folk are busy with family and friends, having a whale of a time, others are essentially alone and putting on their best face. Heck, I dare say some of those parents busy with family would wish they were alone in the quiet, able to escape the noise and chaos.

Game on!

8 comments

  1. Hey Che,

    I am in essentially the same situation, and am beating the blues by doing something from your list – GM prep and some world-building. I often have trouble sleeping because of a long-term neck issue, and have been spending my extra time awake delving into various supplements and making notes in my notebook for interesting NPCs or even characters. Runewrights, forge-mages and shadowmages are three magic user types I stumbled across in an AEG DnD supplement. They piqued my interest as people it would be interesting for my players to encounter, particularly if they aren’t expecting it, and the exercise of creating a few new NPCs is therapeutic in itself. In response to one of your most recent posts, I am also looking to put together a basic GURPS 4e game with monster hunters a la X-Files.

    Anyway dude, hope you’re not having a bad day or even week. I had a tough one during the week, so can sympathise, but keep on keeping on. Take care bud, and I’m looking forward to the next post!

    Cheers,

    Big Dave in Glasgow

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    • Thanks for sharing – I basically believe it helps to speak up about the tough stuff, and your suggestions are helpful to see. I’ve been re-reading GURPS Lite 4e alongside SYWTBAGM … plus sleeping on the sofa. 🤪

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  2. Holiday season has historically been rough. Having no children, it was always weird when my parents were alive. Just me, my wife, and them. Always felt like the absence of children was a dark cloud over all of us. Holidays with my wife’s very large family could be very stressful and sometimes horrible for a variety of reason, though sometimes good too. I would say the negative tended to slightly outweigh the positive, simply because the negative was VERY negative. Now, as a middle-aged childless couple we are content to be home with our cat and our dog. My wife survived cancer during the pandemic, and we are just glad to be here, together, enjoying our time together on planet Earth. Amazingly, none of our gaming group have children. It is still not easy to find a time that is good for everyone. This weekend, the one before Christmas, we will have dinner with one couple from our group and play a board game, which is really nice.

    Best wishes for a not-too-horrible holiday season, Che, and thanks for a great year of blog posts, podcasts, and discord hosting. Top bloke, you are.

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  4. Hope Che, and everyone, has a good Christmas and a great year of gaming in 2024. Holidays can be tough, take care of yourselves all.

    With about a week and a half off from work every holiday, I always feel like I’m missing an opportunity to get in extra gaming, especially some long gaming sessions. I miss playing sessions that lasted many hours, like we used to back in school and university, but I never get around to doing anything about it. This year, maybe I’ll see if any of the folks in my group are interested in playing from early afternoon to late in the evening one time before the new year.

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  5. Ayup, it’s a good time to quiet the mind (amid the noise and haste, ha).
    I’ll be following a similar path. Travel to visit family, but I have game prep (considering some cues that emerged in the last session to disrupt things), a handful of blank maps, Alexander’s book.
    Although I did throw in some kit just in case a game happens with the cousins/cousin’s kids…
    So appreciate the quiet time, meditate on the season, look back, look forward…
    Thanks for continuing to share your thoughts and experiences.
    Merry Christmas,
    V

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  6. Ideally the world would follow my view that every day is a holiday, every meal a feast but unfortunately it seems most folks like to have occasional days on the calendar to focus their limited festivities. And no person is an island.

    So for me, the holidays mean family time not hobby time.

    Which can be quite frustrating when I have so many hobby projects wanting to get finished. But I keep telling myself it is important to take a break to keep the creativity fresh and avoid it becoming too much like work.

    If I was on my own, like I have been in the past, I suspect I would be doing a lot of overtime… either in work or in own of my hobbies. Perhaps solo gaming. Perhaps painting some of the much too large backlog of minis.

    Thanks for making your post and helping me frame my own thoughts on the holidays. I hope you and all those reading this find a way to enjoy the coming days.

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