Paralysis and Permission

Having contracted some form of cold-like infection, I have been feeling very low for the past three days. Having pushed myself through two days at work, the disease is firmly gripping me as the weekend arrives and I find myself largely unable to think very coherently.

There is a kind of mental and physical paralysis that takes hold when I feel this way. I find myself unable to make decisions – even pretty basic choices – and I can easily drift into a zombie-like mindset of barely functioning. The worst of it is that I begin to feel as though I need permission to do the things that will lift me.

In my sickened state, it’s easy for me to feel emotionally low and to begin to descend into emotional thinking: the state where you begin to believe that because you feel bad then things are actually bad. This unhelpful thought pattern can be hard to shake, driving me towards worry.

Play is a valuable tool when I am in this state but I cannot generally access it. While the enjoyment of games is something that I intellectually understand to be helpful, I cannot find the energy nor will to go there. It’s frustrating and yet… in truth, I need to accept that I am unwell and work within the boundaries I am currently facing.

Low physical and mental energy are limiters that arrive when our bodies are fighting alien invaders. It’s natural and the only real permission I need to give myself is to accept that this too shall pass. I am not required to act, despite my internal desire to do so. Maybe tomorrow I will be in a better place. For now, rest is advised and sleep is allowed.

Game on!

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