That most indecisive and flighty part of my nature is at the forefront once again. Predictably enough, as soon as the pressure of work is lifted there is a return to my inner persona. That analytical and cool part of me is seeking more information while my excitable and energetic alter-ego is seeking to do something fun.

The result is that I drift… my eyes move from one potential project to another, noting all the undesirable qualities on offer in each, while my excited internal gamer desperately just wants to play. In this mode, I will buy games just to read them and explore the possibility. I know full well that I’ll not play them.

But the shadowy part of this internal conflict is that my cool analytical and somewhat pessimistic internal monologue will draw me into isolation and darker moods. Depression lurks at the fringes, seeking to pounce and consume my will. The joyful and spontaneous part of me is the weaker partner which will usually lose the struggle.

The irony is that my cool analytical mind knows all of this and doesn’t much care. The loneliness and isolation is safer, the flaws in all those games just a little too irritating. I know that perfection lies only in the imagination and yet I am seeking it still. The joyful childlike part of me screams to little avail.

Where shall I drift to now?