Last evening I met two lovely chaps at a local gaming cafe to talk about forming a new roleplaying games group. As nervous as I was, it was a positive experience and I reminded myself of how to do the whole meeting new people thing.

Here’s the big learning: I expressed a preference for some particular elements of play and was heard. It may be that I don’t get to have my preferences in this new game but there was enormous value in expressing them because the guys listened. We talked about it and they seem open.

The big lie that my social anxiety spouts is that people won’t like my ideas. That my suggestions are not going to be welcome because somehow I am not worthwhile. Sitting in the cafe, expressing my preferences clearly and without embarrassment was liberating.

Whether or not the we end up going with those preferences, the value was that I expressed them. I told folk up front what I am about and what I would ideally seek in a game. I offered suggestions that are different to the regular kind of game. I didn’t hold back.

The expression of your preferences is important. I didn’t realise how much I had been holding them back in the past. Last evening, I spoke truthfully and generously to give my opinion. That’s not necessarily the end of the process, and it certainly wasn’t about forcing any one approach, but it felt good to say what I think.

Thankfully, those guys were open enough to listen and consider those ideas. While anxiety will try to tell you that people don’t want to hear, my real-life experience was palpably different. It gives me great hope that we can find common ground and build a game that is better for all of us.

Game on!