In a strange contradiction, there is a state that I experience which is best defined as arising from a lack of play. While I know that playfulness has left my life and I am in a play-deprived state, oddly I also find I cannot seem to get myself to play.

In his book, Play, Brown asserts that the reason we are doing an activity defines whether or not it is play. His example: some runners run to get fit but others run because they enjoy being in the outside, smelling the trees and feeling the miles roll under their feet.

While Brown is reluctant to define “play” too closely, he acknowledges that play is generally something that has no immediately apparent purpose. In other words, we play because it’s enjoyable and for it’s own sake.

“I have found that remembering what play is all about and making it part of our daily lives are probably the most important factors in being a fulfilled human being. The ability to play is critical not only to being happy, but also to sustaining social relationships and being a creative, innovative person.”

Stuart Brown, Play (2010)

So why can’t I play? At work, the playfulness has been overrun by the pressures and demands of other people. At home, there are many competing priorities and sitting down to play seems frivolous. Perhaps the problem is that, when I try to play, I am doing it for a reason that isn’t really about playing.

Once we accept that play is a thing done for its own sake then we can immediately pay attention to the reasons why we want to play a particular game. While it might seem a little odd, there is a world of difference between , “I’m going to knock about with the combat system” and “I am testing this combat system to see how it works”.

What I need is to do something with no apparent purpose. When I was a teen, I would run myself a little tactical combat between some faceless mooks and a character I made up on the fly. Or I would knock up some starships using the design sequence from Traveller. Or grab out Risk and play solo, rerolling any of the dice that didn’t go my way.

What’s more apparently pointless than playing a game and allowing yourself to break the rules? For me, as a kid, it was enjoyable to decide to change the outcome of an event in the game and then see where the alternative result would lead. Deep down, I have always been deeply curious about the road not travelled – the alternative outcome.

The point is that our activity needs to be looser if it is to be play.

What’s shutting me down right now is the very definite purpose to the games I run: I am testing out a prep process with one game; I am trying to learn how to play the rules with another; there are games run to test out methods to create specific experience; I am even using my play for podcast episodes and fuel for this blog.

None of this is anything less than a clear and definite purpose.

Which brings me back to the state that I experience, best defined as arising from a lack of play. While I know that playfulness has left my life and I am in a play-deprived state, oddly I also find I cannot seem to get myself to play. But the reason is that I am trying to infuse play with purpose.

But, as Brown reminds us, if I don’t loosen up and find the play, well, the spiral leads to dark places:

“…the opposite of play is not work – the opposite of play is depression.”

Stuart Brown, Play (2010)

So there’s a choice to be made: do we continue to work, to drive on with purpose, and ultimately take ourselves into the darkest of places; or do we find the humility to play? To do something purposeless.

If you want to play, make sure the thing you want to play with – or the people you choose to play alongside – are doing it for the right reasons. In other words, play without apparent purpose.

Game on!